Last night I dreamt about Quantum Leap, a TV series I have barely thought about in well over 20 years. I know hearing someone talk about their dream can be kind of…boring, cringey, and whatnot. But what else are you going to do?
It was in the middle of a completely different dream narrative; I suddenly turned around and was face-to-face with Sam Beckett. Beckett was of course portrayed by Scott Bakula—who is commonly known for Enterprise, though I also did like him in Clive Barker’s Lord Of Illusions. Where was I?
Right, so like immediately after I turn to face Sam, I realize that *I’m* his co-star/sidekick Al—played by Dean Stockwell (a veteran of a whole bunch of cult classics including Blue Velvet and The Dunwich Horror).
Now…this little dream nugget felt significant to me for several reasons. To start with—it made me feel as old as hell! It felt like my last hurrah identifying with younger ingenue-type archetypes had long since set sail.
It also brought to mind the last time I really thought of Quantum Leap, back when I was a teenager working at my local video rental store (per the cliche). My manager knew some women who were part of this highly secretive cadre of Quantum Leap slash fan-fiction writers; writing & distributing unauthorized stories where Sam & Al are romantically involved with each other in a sexual way.
These chicks—who were at least in their 30’s, if not more—lived out a semi-polyamorous existence in this remote farmhouse with one of their husbands (who was a intense fan of Groucho Marx). There was hardly any furniture in the farmhouse (so I was told)—mostly just stacks and stacks of books. And it was there that the women would write and self-publish their admittedly smutty QL fan-fic, connecting with other such enthusiasts through the U. S. Postal System.
**Also, I’m just remembering: I think they were also nudists, at least in the remote farmhouse. So basically if you went to visit them, they’d be legit casual nude. I think. It’s been almost three decades.**
It was personally very exciting to 17-year-old me to know such anarchic, countercultural folks. From there, I managed to get my paws on a couple of smutty Man From UNCLE slash fan magazines, access some early newsgroups in my first experience with the Internet ever, and so the course of my life was set.
Those were just such interesting and fun times for me overall, at the very beginning of the 1990s. My idols at the time were William S. Burroughs and Ed Wood. Leaving home at 16 (long story, I’ve probably told it before on one of these blogs at some point), I sort of dropped out of the “normal” societal groups for a young woman of my age and socio-economic status. I became an official, silver-plated Weirdo.
I never worried about much then. Now, I worry about everything. Now, when I manage to overcome my anxiety enough on any given day, I make a 2-page tableau in my journal with pictures of butterflies and happy turtles and happy women; with rainbows and flowers and sassy kitty cats and flying angels all celebrating my ability to temporarily calm the fuck down.
I’ve been sober for just about 4 days now…can you tell? Basically, I’m on the Jenny Craig & to maintain my weight loss I had to cut the drinky-drinks to a minimum. Sure, my weight counselor said I could have a “spritzer” every once in a while, like a White Claw; but what’s the fucking point of that?
Personally, I really didn’t think I was that heavy; my weight really could have been a lot worse. But it seems to mean a lot to those around me that I’m healthy. So…that’s cool. If anything, the Jenny Craig food—delivered to my door weekly, breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack, complete—keeps me nourished. It’s easy. It comes with this chart. You can swap out stuff here and there.
So instead of drinking…I’ve been thinking. Also, every once in a while I drink seltzer infused with hemp, because I need something.
Wow, things outside there, outside my door, in the world—they’re pretty crazy. I’m actually pretty relieved I’ve got the Jenny Craig so technically I don’t gotta leave the house. But I have to maintain some type of exercise on this diet plan so yeah I gotta leave the house.
There’s now “anti-mask” literature being pasted up in my neighborhood, comparing anti-COVID measures to the New World Order and total enslavement for humankind. It’s quite fascinating. People are really losing their fucking minds over this.
Which all makes me wonder: was Operation Mindfuck too successful? The problem, I think, is when people take irony seriously. I still believe that Jesus Christ was actually a very funny guy but that those humorless scribes and translators edited it all out of the Bible. They just…didn’t get the jokes.
Oh well. I’m going to look up some old Quantum Leap fan-fiction now. Have a good rest of your day.